Honestly? The worst part about moving home was having to sell my massive collection of lads’ mags.’ ‘I had about 100 issues of Zoo, 50 issues of Nuts and 20 issues of FHM. My parents didn’t approve of them, so when they discovered them after a bag split during the move, they had to go. I was gutted – it was pretty much my only hobby.’
For 29-year-old Aled Pryce*, the move in question was a homecoming, relocating back to his family home in Hertfordshire after being evicted from his ‘bed-in-a-shed’ rental – an outbuilding in a garden in Southall. The move was pitched as a temporary solution after losing his minimum-wage job as an admin assistant, leaving him no longer able to afford his rent. A transitional stopgap while he got back on his feet, he told his parents. That was three years ago.
Aled’s situation is far from unique – the number of young men now residing with their parents is at an all-time high. Research from the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) found that a third more young adults aged 25 to 34 now live at home with their parents compared with 20 years ago, with 18% of the demographic reported to be dwelling in the family home – the highest number on record.
So, what’s driving men back into their teenage bedrooms? The obvious answer is a financial one – barely a day goes by without some bleak headline hitting newsstands about the state of our economy and the resulting hit it’s delivered to the housing market. According to research conducted by building society The Skipton Group last year, 98% of UK adults living with parents could not afford to buy a home, even if the barrier of a deposit being required were removed – a situation resulting from housing costs (read: mortgage payments, utilities, council tax) exceeding 45% of their monthly income, a figure ‘well above unsustainable affordability thresholds’, according to Skipton.
And even if it is just about affordable, the idea of putting yourself under such financial pressure is as appealing as that Tupperware you left fermenting in your bag last week. ‘As a man in my early thirties, renting or buying your own home feels like a trap,’ says Charlie Bensen*, about his own decision to stay at home. ‘Jobs no longer feel secure, as companies put profit first and employees last, cutting staff and introducing AI. Pay is stagnant and entering the housing market feels like torture, living in constant fear and locked into a mortgage for the next 40 years. So, I can’t justify moving out, not until my financial contingency plan has its own back-up plan.’
While economic pressures affect everyone, it’s men who seem to be struggling the most to fly the nest, resulting in a generation of ‘boomerang boys’. The most recent data from the ONS found that 33% of men aged 20 to 34 were still living with their parents, compared with 22% of young women. Clearly, we’re dealing with a gender stay gap. ‘Women are more likely to have built and maintained emotionally open friendships and are more likely to seek help outside the family,’ explains Sasha Hall, an educational and developmental psychologist. ‘If those wider networks are less present, home becomes the most reliable source of emotional containment when life feels difficult.’
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Not that moving home comes without its own challenges, such as strained family dynamics and the lingering stigma of a so-called ‘failure to launch’. The term may have been coined in the 80s, but the stereotype still sticks: the basement-dwelling man-child who spends his time gaming, masturbating and being bankrolled by his overindulgent parents rather than contributing to society. After all, it’s been 20 years since Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker starred in Failure To Launch, in which desperate parents hire an ‘expert’ to persuade their son to move out, yet the judgment around adult men living at home endures. A quick scroll through Reddit today shows just how harsh it can get. ‘It is not normal for a grown man to be happy living in his mum and dad’s spare room,’ writes one user. ‘Why would they move out when mummy does everything for them?’ asks another.
Which leaves a large proportion of young British males in a worrying predicament: risk their mental health by leaving home or face the stigma associated with remaining? Especially when, in today’s economic climate, there’s often not a lot of choice in the matter. Perhaps it’s no surprise then, that, across the pond, a rebrand is underway – that of the ‘stay-at-home son’. The trend reframes living with your parents from social setback to savvy solution, an alternative that both parents and kids can get behind. The question is – will the UK catch up?
Mutual Gains
For those who have the option, moving home seems like an obvious solution to allow some budget-boosting breathing space to save. The mutual benefits can be manifold, from helping to build savings and contributing to expenses when parents are struggling, to providing both company and emotional support. Mark Emmett*, who’s 30, has lived at home with his mum for the past six months after his rental was sold. ‘I was close to buying a house, so I used this time to save that extra bit. I’m now moving into my new home this weekend and, as much as I’m looking forward to having the space, I will miss my mum dearly. Just having someone else in the house you trust, who you can hear boiling the kettle and can talk to is very grounding, and has been good for my mental wellbeing.’
For 32-year-old Amir Hussain*, living with his mum also made sense from a caregiving perspective. ‘She’s got joint issues, thanks to fibromyalgia, and is a lower earner, while I make double her salary. So, rather than living with people like my last housemates who stole my food, never cleaned and did drugs, I get a stable housemate. We split everything, and I help her out where I can, saving us both a ton of money.’
Of course, intergenerational living is nothing new, particularly in ethnic minority communities where young adults are often expected to live at home until marriage, and even beyond. ‘In more collectivist cultures, interdependence is normal and expected,’ says Dr Hall. ‘Living within the family home is often seen as practical, supportive and aligned with family responsibility rather than a failure of independence.’ Plus, for these parents, it poses a solid return on investment. One report on intergenerational cohabiting, from the University of Loughborough’s Centre for Research in Social Policy, found that within ethnic minority backgrounds, it was understood that living at home with minimal financial contribution came with expectations of young adults then supporting parents in later life.
But of course, not all sons who stay at home will be able to provide said support. With no income, Aled currently doesn’t contribute to the household finances – something he says his parents aren’t happy about. ‘They hate the current set-up,’ he says. ‘They keep saying their state pension isn’t going to cut it, as well as the usual boomer stuff, such as, “At your age, I was working 60-hour weeks down the pit” and “At your age, your grandpapa was in the Royal Army Medical Corps dodging bullets while trying to apply bandages and gauze!”’
Aled’s experience highlights another key issue for the success of the situation – parental financial wellbeing. ‘Social class is absolutely central to what it means to be living with your parents in your late twenties and thirties,’ says Dr Emma Hyde, a research fellow in sociology at the University of Leeds. ‘There’s often an assumption that young people can stay at home while saving up for homeownership; however, this is a very narrow representation. For young adults from disadvantaged and working-class backgrounds, living with their parents is largely characterised by financial constraint and “getting by”.’ Those struggling the most, she says, are young single fathers from these backgrounds. ‘Following separation or divorce, social housing and child-related benefits entitlement are only awarded to the primary carer, which is most often the child’s mother.’ The result? An inevitable move back home and the Sisyphean task of providing for their children, parents and themselves. No wonder so many end up stuck in situ.
Perhaps the most harshly judged, though, are those who don’t move out in the first place. ‘I never really left home, to be honest,’ says Dan O’Donnell*, a 30-year-old electrical engineer from the Midlands. ‘I’ve always got on with my parents, but I’d still prefer to have my own place – I just can’t afford it. It does sometimes make me feel a bit down that I don’t have my independence at the age of 30. I pay them £300 a month, help out where needed and buy and cook my own food, but I’m often ashamed to tell people I still live at home. You pay with your mental health rather than your money.’
Well Placed
Economics might be a major part of the picture, but it’s not the whole story – mental health is a recurrent theme among the men who spoke to Men’s Health. One such case is 36-year-old compliance officer James Rosenburg*. ‘I suffered a mental breakdown as a result of Bipolar Disorder in my early twenties, which meant I still lived at home.’ Choosing to remain with his parents until he was stable enough to live independently was key for his mental wellbeing. ‘I was never willing to flat-share as I did not want to risk having unstable housemates. Independence was the last step in a long-fought battle for mental stability.’
In the Rosenburg household, a quid pro quo arrangement emerged. ‘My parents were supportive, understood my situation and could see that I was trying everything I could,’ says James. ‘They didn’t need financial help, but I was more than willing to share assets, such as my car, with my mother and run errands.’ Despite this parental support, James still struggled with the social implications of living at home. ‘I felt like a failure for not being able to support myself, like I was an adult with responsibilities that lived in a teenager’s situation. Plus, I was lacking some serious life skills, such as being able to wash my own clothes and actually manage a household. I think this is something pretty common in those who have a later start to independence. But the mental toll of feeling like you’re failing to thrive as an adult was tougher.’
It’s a common sentiment among young men who fail to fly the nest on a socially acceptable timeline, says Dr Hall. ‘For some, it can feel like a threat to identity, particularly if independence is closely linked to success,’ she explains. ‘This can lead to shame and comparison with peers who appear to be progressing in more linear ways.’ Other experts point to the possibility of using a return home to hide from a world that feels inhospitable. ‘For some, it can include elements of avoidant coping, particularly if life outside feels overwhelming or unsafe,’ adds Dr Hall.
But that’s not to say it’s necessarily a bad move. One 2023 study from the University of Essex found that so-called ‘boomerang moves’ back home had no negative impact on returnees’ mental health. Instead, there was actually a small amount of evidence for it improving. For Dr Hall, the results make sense. ‘One key benefit of returning home is emotional containment. Being around family can reduce loneliness and provide a stable relational base during a period of stress or transition. The parent-child bond can become a holding environment where emotional pressure is reduced.’ Not to mention the reduced mental load of shared domesticity. ‘Many day-to-day demands are already partially scaffolded at home, such as meals, laundry and general household organisation. This frees up mental space, increasing capacity for rest, recovery or rebuilding routines. It also reduces decision fatigue, which can be particularly helpful during periods of uncertainty.’
For Aled, seeing the perks was a process. ‘When I first moved back, I felt like a complete failure. A man is meant to have a car and a flat, whereas all I have is my parents’ spare room. But now, even though it still feels awful, and I do get depressed, I know it’s better than wage slavery. There are guys out there waking up at stupid o’clock and going to work for some classist boss – and for what? An Oyster card and a £900pcm mouldy room in an ex-council house? Miss me with that. I want my own space – it’s essential for dating – but realistically, my love life is DOA anyway, so what’s the point? Plus, I won’t work for someone else again. I can’t go back to that life.’
Homegrown Heroes
There’s an air of anti-establishment defiance to Aled’s words, a clear criticism of an unfair economic system set up for young people to fail. Which begs the question: is it time we gave living with your parents a rebrand? Over in the US, they seem to think so. Enter the ‘stay-at-home son’, a term that first entered the chat last year after Jeopardy contestant Brendan Liaw decided to use the moniker when describing his current employment situation. According to Liaw, it was a more positive self-identifier than ‘loiterer’ or simply, ‘unemployed guy’.
Taking it one step further are the American men defining themselves as ‘trad sons’ – a modern, masculinised take on the ‘tradwife’ trend. Short for ‘traditional wife’, tradwives embrace stereotypical views around marriage and gender roles, rejecting modern-day hustle culture for domestic labour and childcare – albeit in an aesthetic, IG-friendly fashion (check out @BallerinaFarm for reference). Now, a new generation of men are taking on the title – and the chores – and are on a mission to give the stay-at-home son image a much-needed overhaul.
‘Living at home can be a very deliberate act in opposition to the norms of modern society, which glorifies constant productivity, individual achievement and the accumulation of wealth as a measure of success,’ explains Melissa Legere, clinical director of US-based mental health treatment facility California Behavioral Health. ‘By changing the narrative from “failure to launch” – which carries a negative connotation of passivity, avoidance or inadequacy – to the stay-at-home sons concept that projects a deliberate, sometimes strategic lifestyle choice, it removes the stigma and makes it more acceptable.’
Across the pond, the trend presents an interesting tension with the values of modern-day America (read: the Republicans aren’t happy). Because despite calls by figureheads, such as the late Charlie Kirk and JD Vance, for a return to traditional masculinity, trad sons were not what Uncle Sam ordered. Their version of masculinity may well centre on the family, but it calls for marriage and independence – two states that do not go hand-in-hand with the trad son set-up. Perhaps it’s unsurprising then that Fox News pundit Laura Ingraham described the trad sons as ‘men in decline’, conveying the sentiment that stay-at-home sons sit at odds with the patriarchal expectation for men to progress and provide.
For some, the rebrand therefore represents an undercurrent of political subversion regarding Republican values. ‘There has been a great deal of commentary that has come from a place that equates masculinity with the ability to provide, be self-sufficient and dominate society in some way,’ explains Legere. ‘When young men do not behave in a manner that conforms to these expectations, it makes cultural commentators anxious about gender roles and societal progress. But living at home can be a very deliberate act in opposition to these societal norms, indicating that an individual’s happiness, relationships and stability can be more important than the constant pursuit of external validation.’ In Legere’s opinion, it’s reflective of ‘a wider societal shift in how adulthood is viewed, from simply a checklist of accomplishments to a more holistic approach, where self-discovery, resiliency and interdependence are also important.’
As of yet, the trad son trend hasn’t landed here in the UK as it has in America, but that doesn’t mean more people aren’t beginning to think positively about sons staying at home. Today, James lives in south London, sharing accommodation costs with his partner with whom he’s been cohabiting for the past two years – a position for which he credits his parents for helping him achieve. ‘By the time I moved I had a decent emergency fund, my house deposit and some longer-term investments to give myself some security – something I never would have achieved if I’d been renting.’
His is a stay-at-home son success story, but for many others, the outcome remains unchanged. At the time of writing, Aled, Dan and Charlie are all still living at home, trapped by a system primed, it seems, for their failure. The current economic landscape means that promise of independence isn’t just delayed, but drifting further and further out of reach. The only hope on the horizon? A little more positive PR for a generation of stay-at-home sons.
Stay-at-Home Son 101
The advice to follow to keep the whole household sane, according to a psychologist
For Returnees
‘Treat the move as a temporary reset rather than a regression,’ says Dr Sasha Hall. ‘Keeping a sense of direction is important, whether that’s work, training, saving or planning the next step. Make sure you maintain autonomy within the home, too, including managing routines and finances where possible, and staying socially and physically active outside the home.’
For Parents
‘The key is to re-meet your child as an adult rather than slipping back into previous patterns. The parent-child bond changes shape at this stage, and it helps to focus on mutual respect, clear boundaries and agreed expectations around space, finances and responsibilities.’
‘Don’t forget to look after your own emotional wellbeing, too. When a child returns home, it can reactivate worry and vigilance, particularly around safety and independence. Acknowledging this and maintaining boundaries can help reduce strain on the relationship and support a healthier adjustment for both sides.’
*Names have been changed
